Hello world!

I find it sort of funny that the subtitle of this blog is "just another wordpress.com blog". I mean think about it – hundreds of thousands of people just like me who actually think that the world cares what they have to say. I know. That is so cynical, but the canned subtitle says it all. If you are here, I invited you into my world or someone I invited into my world invited you into my world – it could go on and on – I mean just this past week, I, in almost a voyeuristic sort of way, asked for the link to some stranger's blog because its content had one of the yahoo groups I belong to all abuzz. I came, I read, I quietly left – apparently others didn't leave so quietly, because the poor souls ended up pulling their blog.

The title of my blog is sort of cheesy. It is from the semi-new Rascal Flatts song "God Bless the Broken Road". There has been some discussion on one of my yahoo adoption groups about how this song can be aptly dedicated to the new member of the family. I am not sure that it applies to all. Mine has been a semi-broken road. I want to make clear – very clear – that adoption is not/was not my second choice – it is just something I never thought about much. I just assumed I would grow up, get married and at about the age of 25 start popping out my young'ns to the tune of about a basketball team.  Break ups, divorce, a failed vas reversal and male/female infertility led me to realize that it didn't look like it would come that easily for me. I had to do a lot of soul searching about the difference between having a baby and being a mother. On a human note, I had to mourn the fact that my husband's ex wife has the distinct privilege of having her DNA meld with my husbands in a way that mine never would. In essence, I had to mourn that she would always have a piece of him that I guess just wasn't meant to be for me. We have been married 5 years and leaving that dream behind has just started to become easier.

Anyway, as the fertility doors started closing one by one, my eyes just flew open to the prospect that I could still be a mother. Please don't say "duh". We are in the process of exploring international adoption having narrowed down the choices to Vietnam and China. The prospects are very exciting, but the road has been so long and painful, I guess I continue to protect myself by saying that this just can't be. I am not sure I can take these doors being closed right now so I proceed with great caution.

Peace.

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About Ellen

I cannot even begin to describe who I am other than broken in body and soul with a dose of the only Hope there is. If you read me, you will know me.
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