It has finally happened, much to my dismay. My two worlds have collided. I never thought it would happen. I tried to prevent it in every way. What am I talking about you might ask.
Some people in my non cyber world have discovered my blog. It makes me rethink if I have revealed too much of myself or said anything questionable. I love my blog and my blogging and I truly appreciate all of you who visit.
Today, during a break, a co-worker asked me what I was doing. Without thinking, the word "blogging" came out of my mouth. The next few minutes were spent sitting, fidgetting, and squirming as he read my latest entry. Yikes! A few weeks ago, my husband discovered my blog and has shared it with his friends, one of whom is a journalist who is brilliant and well worded and who causes me to squirm at the thought of him reading it.
I believe I am falling victim to the observer effect. The observer effect states that people or objects that are being observed may not behave in the same way as if not being observed. I find myself running my blogs through a whole different set of criteria or filters. I find what was coming easily drying up and I am questioning everything I start to type.
It doesn't have to be that way.
Why do we blog? I guess we each have a different reason. I think I started to gain clarity in a somewhat anonymous forum. Probably ego is somewhere in there – the desire to pass through this world having been heard by somebody when it feels too unsafe to be heard by those in my immediate world.
I am generally the quiet person in the room of strangers. I absorb all that goes on around me and remember forever details that are insignificant to others. When a little more comfortable, my humor comes out, but that humor provides a convenient wall from letting people read me. The real me has to go somewhere – so I write and then write some more.
With the new development of people around me reading what I think and feel, I have to get used to the idea of people in my daily world knowing what's behind those walls.
It isn't such a bad thing I guess – how do you all deal with this?