Two Worlds Collide

It has finally happened, much to my dismay. My two worlds have collided. I never thought it would happen. I tried to prevent it in every way. What am I talking about you might ask.

Some people in my non cyber world have discovered my blog. It makes me rethink if I have revealed too much of myself or said anything questionable. I love my blog and my blogging and I truly appreciate all of you who visit.

Today, during a break, a co-worker asked me what I was doing. Without thinking, the word "blogging" came out of my mouth. The next few minutes were spent sitting, fidgetting, and squirming as he read my latest entry. Yikes! A few weeks ago, my husband discovered my blog and has shared it with his friends, one of whom is a journalist who is brilliant and well worded and who causes me to squirm at the thought of him reading it.

I believe I am falling victim to the observer effect. The observer effect states that people or objects that are being observed may not behave in the same way as if not being observed. I find myself running my blogs through a whole different set of criteria or filters. I find what was coming easily drying up and I am questioning everything I start to type.

It doesn't have to be that way.

Why do we blog? I guess we each have a different reason. I think I started to gain clarity in a somewhat anonymous forum. Probably ego is somewhere in there – the desire to pass through this world having been heard by somebody when it feels too unsafe to be heard by those in my immediate world.

I am generally the quiet person in the room of strangers. I absorb all that goes on around me and remember forever details that are insignificant to others. When a little more comfortable, my humor comes out, but that humor provides a convenient wall from letting people read me. The real me has to go somewhere – so I write and then write some more.

With the new development of people around me reading what I think and feel, I have to get used to the idea of people in my daily world knowing what's behind those walls.

It isn't such a bad thing I guess – how do you all deal with this?

Peace!

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About Ellen

I cannot even begin to describe who I am other than broken in body and soul with a dose of the only Hope there is. If you read me, you will know me.
This entry was posted in Blogroll, life, psychology. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Two Worlds Collide

  1. Helen Losse says:

    Dear Ellen,

    I know it is easy to think of a blog as personal diary, but it is not. Everything put on the internet, including comments, is there to stay. Somebody somewhere has archived everything, or at least we must behave as though that were so, beacuse it could be at any time.

    I know you only from your blog, but I like you and see you as a kind, sensitive, giving woman. I don’t think I’ve read anything you should be ashamed of. But we do have to say to ourselves, “Do I want — to read this?” Only you can answer that question. If the answer is no, don’t post it.

    Love, Helen

  2. hockamama says:

    Ah, Ellen, the dilemma. My mama reads my blog, and I imagine some others who know the flesh me. I understand the scrutiny of which you speak, and the wariness that goes with it. However, You are a wonderful writer and I feel that I know you from reading your prose. You need not be nervous.

  3. journeytomom says:

    I agree with both Helen and hockamama. You write wonderfully and I have seen nothing to be concerned about. But I also know the feeling you express. Many of my friends and family read my blog, so sometimes I have to be careful what I write, especially regarding my parents. My mom, especially, can be easily offended. sigh. But, for the most part, I choose to be myself. I hope you will continue with this wonderful blog.
    Peace.

  4. Larry says:

    Well thats it, I am not posting anymore. You mean people actually read these things? LOL I love the way you write Ellen. Besides some just aren’t going to get it. My mom is like why would you wanna share about that! (she’s just jealous she didnt think of it first.) I think your great! Keep it up.

    Larry

  5. writeathome says:

    Hi Ellen,

    I think you are a wonderful blogger too. Just be yourself, but I do agree with Helen that if you feel uncomfortable having certain people read things, don’t post them.

    Write on,

    Carol

  6. Rick Booth says:

    I’m Dave’s journalist friend (see copy). I adored this piece, because it calls attention to something I’d long taken for granted: we who write professionally always ASSUME we’re in a storefront window; it’s never far from our minds. I’m working on a subject-specific blog (not up yet), and to read it literally you’d think I was a Hun. I assuredly am not.

    A pal said not long back, “I love my wife for her two best qualities, humility and grace.”

    Funny, all this time I thought your name was Ellen, not Grace.

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