We are a little over two weeks into the new year and Christmas seems like eons ago. I am a weight watcher – lower case and capital. I count points. For those of you unfamiliar with the program. It is simple, it works, and one track of it is based on points values assigned to all foods. These points are derived from a complicated “secret” formula which somehow relates the fat grams, fiber grams and calories of any given food. The higher the fiber and lower the fat, the less points any given food item will have. Beans – good, chocolate bars – not so much. BUT you can still have the chocolate bar. It will just take a larger chunk out of your daily points.
I have been doing Weight Watchers since August 1, 2006 this time around. I was on fire for the first 11 months. I lost 60 pounds during that time. I busted my knee this summer in a massive way, stopped exercising and had a major pity party which lasted until 12/31. I would take 1 step forward, 2 back – 2 forward, 1 back. Then in November in December I became the most apathetic person I know, shoving food in until it hurt.
I gained 12 pounds for a total of 17 gained back. I knew I had to do something. Somewhere around the time that I really started feeling and owning God’s love and mercy for me, I realized something I had given lip service to so readily when the going was easy. This is a journey. Weight loss is a journey of one good habit built upon another. There is no finish line, no end, no TA DA moment. This journey is parallel to most of life’s journey. We walk, we run, we fall, we get up……or we don’t. So much of my life has been about falling down and curling up in fetal position, crying for my mama. I had to grow up. It is part of a perfectionist streak I have in me. If it can’t be perfect, why do it?
I am learning so much and this is where it is difficult to articulate my feelings. I will never be perfect. Never the perfect wife, daughter, cook, SLP, friend. This doesn’t mean to fall down and give up. God wants us to strive toward righteousness – in spite of our flaws, not because of our greatness. When I think about the fact that God can love a world full of such flawed people – to the degree when He would send His perfect, precious only son to try to save us and then to die for us I am overcome.
As for resolutions – my weight loss journey is back on track now. I am down 6 pounds. I will fall again. I will fall in my marriage. I will fall with R. I will fall. But an ancient proverb says “fall seven times, get up eight”. I will keep striving to allow God to change me into the person he wants me to be and not be content where I am for the fact that I cannot come close to perfection “so why bother?”
It is not in the number of pounds that we lose, the cessation bad habits, or the freshly made bed every morning that we succeed in our resolutions….
wordnet.princeton.edu defines resolute as firm in purpose or belief; characterized by firmness and determination;
It is all about the purpose and determination – resolutions are about the striving not the flawlessness.
I challenge everyone to be resolute today about that which is important to you.